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Have you ever told yourself, “I need to lose weight before I can…..” Take your pick: it could be anything – taking a vacation, enjoying the outdoors, finding a better job, going back to school, shopping for nicer clothes, going out and having fun, making new friends or dating, exercising (yes, sometimes we tell ourselves that we’re carrying too much weight to set foot in the gym or even go for a walk)…and the list goes on.

When we are not happy with our weight we often feel embarrassed or ashamed. We assume that other people are looking at us, thinking negative thoughts about us, or saying mean things about us. We assume that other people are thinking and saying the same negative things that we are thinking about ourselves and saying to ourselves. And so we avoid truly living. We hide from life and from other people, we feel shame, we get depressed, we eat badly or overeat in an attempt to cope with our painful emotions, and this painful cycle perpetuates itself over and over again.

When we do this, we are weighting – putting life, our dreams, our needs, our wants, our self-care on hold until we lose x amount of weight. And it usually backfires. And it backfires because when you don’t nurture yourself, when you don’t take care of yourself in other areas of your life, your weight management efforts are more likely to run into trouble – or just won’t ever get started in the first place.

It’s really important to build your self-esteem by nurturing yourself (engaging in activities that feed your soul), by doing things that make you feel good (like dressing nicely instead of spending all your time in sweats), and by doing things that you can feel good about yourself for doing (like taking a class, speaking up for yourself, learning a new skill, or taking a walk). When you build your self-esteem in these ways you are more likely to want to do what it takes to manage your weight because you care enough about yourself to do it.

Have you been weighting? Please share your experience with me and with other readers by commenting on this blog – we’d love to hear from you!

”Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~ Unknown

“Don’t wait for time. Make it. Don’t wait for love. Feel it. Don’t wait for money. Earn it. Don’t wait for the path. Find it. Don’t wait for opportunity. Create it. Don’t go for less. Get the best. Don’t compare. Be unique. Don’t fight your misfortune. Transform it. Don’t avoid failure. Use it. Don’t dwell on a mistake. Learn from it. Don’t back down. Go around. Don’t close your eyes. Open your mind. Don’t run from life. Embrace it.” ~ Ritu Ghatourey

“Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul.” ~ Unknown

To learn more about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh™ to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, check my website:

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: I4LWeightManagement.

Join me for my free Teleseminar on Sunday October 12th at 10 am Central Standard Time: “The Top 7 Mistakes that Smart People make when trying to Lose Weight and Keep it Off Forever – and how YOU can Avoid Them!” For details, call-in information, and to register, email me:

Email me if you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter “News you can Use” and my free “Tip of the Month”:

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh™ to Lifelong Weight Management

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh™ is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.